August 13, 2006

The Shadowed Song

The Shadowed Song was a fiction written by me for the University of New South Wale's Literary Journal called 'Unsweetened' in 2006:

I tripped over as we both rushed up the apartment stairs, when he looked back into my eyes while grabbing my hand in an assuring way which clearly said "You’ll be okay if you follow me". Not only the whole situation sent shivers through my euphoric soul, it also set fire in my eyes. That fire, which had been missing for quite some time, sent its heat all over and I was pretty sure neither ocean nor any shivering element could fruitfully put it off. I felt it in all its strength lighting up with bliss.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Letting out a giggle, I wondered at the inanity coming up from the man whom I had always felt inferior to. Was he kidding me? Being alright was out of the question, but the fire lighting up my eyes was the answer to everything the situation asked for. I was far from alright, lighting up with ecstasy, and even missing the familiarity of having to stand on the ground.

As we laughed over the situation, I secretly hoped he wouldn’t let his hand go. I also started remembering the hopes I had over the past few years which I never thought would ever turn into reality. "You’re lucky," my soul told me. Looking back at his eyes, I firmly squeezed his hand as I continued joking around, not wanting to leave that flight of stairs. As unreal as it sounded, fooling and joking around with the man of my dreams on dusty carpeted stairs actually equaled to sheer bliss of contentment, as it brought my face to its natural glow with more lines of rapturous laughter.

I pretended to be tired, therefore heaving a fake sigh as I effortlessly sat comfortably on the stairs while he followed the same. He must be secretly questioning my eccentricity, but that just made me smile even more, as I was reminded by the first fiery moment he confessed his delightful amazement towards my uniqueness. Although being weird seemed to be a good thing, I did not want it to reach a point where he just might misinterpret it as plain insanity. Trying to remain on that perfect spot of absurdity, I continued joking around; being the eccentric self I naturally was, attempting to put him high at my presence. It occurred to me that that was what I had been doing throughout the period of only-God-knows-how-long I obsessed over this dream man of mine. Then these questions started ricocheting in my head.

"Why did it take too long to reach this scene on the stairs? Will this bliss remain with us even if we finally reach the highest floor? Is he The One destined to help me walk up the stairs happily?"

He held my face as I looked back into his eyes fiercely with inner glow. He was still as every bit beautiful as how I saw him the first time. I immediately forgot the questions I had been wondering to, as we started sharing thoughts and laughter all over again. At that very moment too, I felt someone watching us from the top of the stairs. Secretly and strongly, I hoped it was someone we both knew. I wanted that someone to spread the news to everyone else we had acquainted with. It was my furtive dream to have every member of the group marvel at the shocking news of me and him. They just simply had to know about this tall, great man finally holding my hand, accompanying me on that flight of dusty stairs. My low-self-esteemed self once told me how those people had doubted my soul-entwining capabilities with him. I was furious, and impatiently desired to prove them wrong. They should embarrassingly watch me stand together next to this incomparably tall, remarkable man with my soul flying high, all tied up by this strange thing called love. They should witness how perfectly made for each other we both were and how deeply in love we simply couldn’t avoid ourselves from. That was the perfect moment.

The shadow from the top of the stairs seemed to grow darker while its presence felt stronger, therefore I continued squeezing the hand of the wonderful man next to me, as I was filled with this joyous pride I never had. Wishing for the shadow to grab as sufficient proof there could be to announce to the other members the news in relation to this deep love, I continued moving along with the uncontrollable strong chemistry my dream man and I shared. I imagined picture perfect from the shadow’s view and wished it was photographed with all its wildest passion to be seen by the world. There was this powerful yearning in me to let the whole world become spectators of my happiness. This specific happiness, that is.

"I waited too long for this," I secretly muttered.

Sensing my strange desire while he caught glimpses of my other long-awaited intention spoke out, he inquired the message of that quiet remark I made. I only continued feeling the incessant, relentless euphoric glory of being his, touching his face and moving his hair away, stricken by the spell-casting smile he gave. We finally decided to continue our journey, while I secretly feared the awkwardness arising on the occasion of capturing the shadow waiting behind us.

As we both passionately stood up and turned to face our destination being the top of the stairs, like a rush of lightning the shadow made its way towards disappearance. That rush was followed by its falling down and the noise it made, which indeed surprised the both of us. Not only was it an alarming noise, but in all its shocking tendencies, it had also stopped the music of strong passion playing between my dream man and I. The falling down and disappearance of the shadow was another story, but the hand against mine slowly moving away together with the disappearance of his beautiful soul was overall misery defined.

He disappeared. The noise which separated us was the one made by the coupe waiting for me to dreamily cross the road. I then looked down over the playlist on my Ipod Shuffle, and of course, the romantic number by The Beatles was coming to an end.

Crossing my fingers, I prayed for the next song to be yet another beautiful love one.

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